How to Find the Right Therapist for You?
Finding the right therapist is like learning how to cook. You start with learning the basics first, like boiling the water, cooking rice or cutting the vegetables. Then you start experimenting with the spices, attempting to get the perfect blend until you find the perfect mix of spices to put in that is per your liking of taste. Similarly, finding a competent therapist takes patience. Therapy is never a quick fix, and it often takes several sessions to see the progress.
Once I acknowledged that I needed help, it took me a great deal of effort to ask for it. Finding the right therapist is tricky. Personally, I have been to more than a couple of therapists. The first time, I was uncomfortable with someone else sitting across and judging my life. The second, I felt like they weren't listening to my concerns or weren’t skilled enough. Third, I couldn't see the benefits of their feedback or mind exercises they asked me to do and so on and on.
I started looking for more options. Recommended by a friend, I reluctantly went to another one. During my first session, I observed my therapist noticing where I was looking or gazing when I was speaking. This worried me. Am I distracted? Am I feeling uncomfortable looking at them directly? What do they think about my experiences? Should I maintain eye contact? Is it weird that I cannot look directly at them?
Having gone to so many, my anxiousness about finding the right one only increased. I was so troubled that my therapist was analysing my every word and movement, but of course, that was their job: to observe and analyse. It was bizarre to open your entire life book in front of a stranger. But with time, the nervousness and awkwardness disappeared and started helping me to cope with the most pressing matters in life.
If you are looking for a therapist, here are some things to keep in mind to ensure they are the right fit for you.
Pick a good therapist, not a convenient one.
While cost and convenience are important, so are priorities. Imagine if you were to have cancer, wouldn't you reach out to the best oncologist you can find. If untreated or treated ill, it can kill you. Similarly, making your mental health a priority is crucial. If left untreated it might lead to a bad quality of life. There is no such thing as a good therapist; find a therapist who is good for you.
Ask someone you trust
A connection from a trustworthy person is one way to find a therapist. But know that you may have different needs and goals than the person who gave you the recommendation. A certain treatment style might help one person but not another.
Before Consultation
Consider the type of therapist you would like to approach and ask these questions to yourself:
Who would you be more comfortable with, a man or a woman?
Does the age of the therapist matter to you? Would you want to work with someone older, younger or around your age?
Is the religious inclination of the therapist of relevance to you?
And if you have no idea about what type of therapist you want to consult, that's OK. The first step is to talk to someone with whom you are comfortable.
Of course, if you have no idea who you want to speak to. That’s OK too.
If you’ve ever been abused by someone in authority or affected by historical trauma, you may want to ask questions that help you find out whether a potential therapist is culturally informed and sensitive to your experiences.
Ask questions about the things that matter to you.
During a consultation, you might ask some questions about how they conduct treatment. Some people are interested in knowing what certifications or licenses the therapist might have. For others, knowing about their experience with their particular issue and the therapist’s success rate are more important.
Your First session
Your first session can be a little awkward. Rarely anyone just walks into a room and starts discussing their life issues. The conversation might take time to unfold for you to be able to trust the therapist. But you definitely should feel heard and comfortable as the session progresses.
You may be interviewed about your problems or symptoms or your goals from those sessions. The therapist will require a detailed history of you and your family, including any past mental health treatment. Know that whatever you share or discuss with your therapist is completely confidential.
What is your Intuition?
Notice how you feel when you speak to the therapist. You might not feel comfortable from time to time as you are discussing personal and difficult topics. Therapy is not a quick fix solution. But if you don't feel trusting or comfortable in the first few sessions, let the therapist know and discuss why this would happen. Your therapist should be able to respond to your concerns satisfactorily. If not, it's all right to look for someone else. You don't need a reason to switch therapists if you are not comfortable.
In my personal experience, you should not look at your relationship with your therapist as friendship. They would hold up a mirror in front of you sometimes, which might not feel good. Keep a notebook handy in case you want to note down something of importance to you. They are providing you with a non-judgmental space to talk about your psychological distress in order to recognise your patterns in thoughts and feelings and help you break out of them or work through them. It's a constant difficult path of self-discovery for oneself.
And while the process of finding someone and going through the therapy may seem a little daunting, it is well worth the effort.